Friday, March 2, 2018

Unpacking


I've been trying to unpack my feelings about this for the past day and a half and I'm still not left with much of anything. All I could manage to write is what I have below. I'm not even sure if it makes any sense but it's honest.


It's funny because I have been preparing myself for this moment since I was a teenager. I never wanted her to leave but I understood that when it was her time, then she'd have to go. I remember having dreams about her leaving this place and I'd wake from crying in my sleep. I'd call her immediately, usually around 7 in the morning, and she would tell me that she was fine. She said that she'd always let me know when it was time. When I saw her last week, I had a feeling but she didn't tell me because she couldn't. I understand and I'm happy that she's at peace. She's not suffering anymore. I'm sad because I want to be selfish and keep her with me forever. As a young child, I thought that she was immortal and she'd just be here forever but I grew to know that she wasn't. And now she's not. I truly was not prepared for this moment. How can you truly be prepared to lose a dear friend? Her memories will live with me forever so I guess she'll always be here. But it doesn't lessen the blow.

Rest well my LOVE
02.28.2018




"When they said that she made it you see they eyes gleam
I think we at a all-time high
To get there, we run, we fly, we drive
Cause with my family we know we know where home is
And so instead of sendin' flowers, we the roses" - Kanye West


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