Words. Words. Words. I've always known their strength but never realized their weight. Until a few years ago, I never understood the weight of the words that I used and how they either built me up or tore me down. I'd always seen the importance in building others up but never seemed to do the same for myself. I believe that a part of me felt that I didn't deserve to be happy or to strive in life. I'd always known struggle, so I felt that that was all I would do. Though subconsciously I may have felt that way, I so wanted something different for myself. I wasn't sure how to get to my end goal and I can't say that I was aware of what I needed to do differently to get there.
I had a few people around me that tried to show me a new way, positivity, but it seemed so foreign to me that it never registered for me. As a result of my life being in a forever storm, I did only what I knew how to do... ask questions! My problem has never been asking questions (clearly!), but in asking the right questions. In the midst of the storm(s), I'd only ask,
"Why? Why is this happening to me? How much more do I need to take?"
Of course I was always answered with, "Because, life. Girl, you can take way more than you think you can." The forever storm, and my negativity surrounding it, exhausted me and made me a little bitter.
After many more redundant questions, I decided to turn the page. I started to ask questions that put me in a frame of mind to see the forever storm as something different. I started to look at things happening to me as merely obstacles. Instead of the usual, I began to ask,
"What do I need to differently? What lesson can I take from this? What did this detour save me from?"
The answers always came to me right away.
I'm left with fewer regrets and more wins under my belt, which leads to more positivity. I'm able to acknowledge an unfavorable situation, assess it, learn from it and move on. Every situation is not always as easy as the last but I'm never stuck in the past. I always move forward with more strength and a clearer vision. I always catch myself if I feel like I'm reverting back to my old ways, because I remember all that was lost during that time. I lost friends, sleep, energy and peace of mind. These days, I always make sure to use the energy that I'm given, to move forward and conquer my goals.
"Old habits die hard"- Polish proverb
