Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Differences

     Many times I have set boundaries with people and either one of two things happen; people respect the boundaries and change accordingly,  or they don't. Sometimes, it's hard for me to accept that some people won't accept my new terms, because being who I am, I like to give one too many second chances. Since I recently had a birthday (why, thank you. I'm blessed to see another year.), I spent some time reflecting on the promises that I made to myself on my last birthday. I promised that I would only give another chance to those that wanted one. I am not now, nor have I ever been, responsible for making anyone change. Change is a personal choice. I've done it myself and seen many other make the decision to change. I've even witnessed a miracle of change. A change that, for as long as I could remember, I did not deem possible.

     I'd often say that I would welcome a change, but was honestly not completely open to it, because I had no idea how the change would affect me. I'd lost hope for change, as there are generations of my family, that have passed down the inability to have a functional maternal bond. I'm a witness to the possibility of a choice. It is quite unbelievable at times to see how far we have come. I've received apologies and explanations that I thought I'd have to learn to live without. We've learned things about each other that soften our hearts with each passing day. My faith in a sense of family has been restored. I respect the choice that my mother made to do better and to be better. I also make the choice to not hold her to the same standard that I once did. The bar is set higher and my expectations have heightened. To witness someone so stubborn make a vow to change, gives me no doubt that it is possible for the others. I've heard more times than I can count that "people don't change" and I might have believed it. Knowing what I know now, my reply would be, "Well, why not?"

     I know people that are absolutely set in their ways and show no signs of letting up. I know the signs to look for, as I've grown up with these people. I know people that find comfort in being the victim. I know people that find comfort in being the force that drains the energy out of the most positive beings. I've extended chances and had them stepped over. I have recognized their unwillingness to respect my space and removed myself from the toxicity. I don't mind looking like the bad guy to protect my peace. I have learned to always put myself first, but that's not to say that I cannot extend grace. If in the event that those individuals want to change, I will allow them to show me that they've changed. I won't, however, allow myself to be manipulated back into a relationship with them. Showing consistency takes a while, so true intentions will always come out eventually.

     I'm happy to have reached such an unapologetic place in my thinking and way of living. In the past, I allowed others to pursuade me that I needed to do more work, while the other person drained me. Sometimes, I'd allow myself to be manipulated and get sucked back into the same vaccuum of negativity.  I'm happy to say that at this point in life, I'm very stingy with chances, even for myself. I'm very strong in my convictions and can't be easily swayed. This allows me to focus on and cultivate the positive relationships that I do have. My love can never run thin.

"Unlearning is a part of the journey. Relearning is a part of the blessing" - Alex Elle