Quote Notes

Many of you may, or may not, have noticed that I'm a little obsessed with quotes. I used to write quotes on paper and stick them all over my bedroom walls and bathroom mirror (Now, there are hundreds of screenshots, of quotes, in my phone). I am aware that Gabrielle Union's character does this in Being Mary Jane, however I did this way before the show aired. In fact, a friend of mine pointed that out to me and I felt very violated because they copied me (they didn't copy me but I'm just saying that I did it first). Anyway, this will be an installment of different quotes that have deeply resonated with me and will be entitled:

Quote Notes

"Feelings aren't facts"

     I can't recall the many times that I've allowed emotions and feelings to ruin my life. There are so many days that were going great and then were ruined, due to me being in my feelings. There have been countless embarrassing moments for those in my path, when I was in my feelings. When I allowed my feelings to control me, everyone around me experienced the wrath. I would always encounter different people that seemed like they had the secret of life: not giving certain people, instances or things a second thought. I would ask these people for the answers but they'd never have them (think: Sway). I did what I do best...I asked God to teach me. Of course He obliged, but I thought it best to learn the hard and long way.

     Growing up in a family of highly emotional beings (not even exaggerating), I thought that it was quite normal to allow emotions and feelings to dictate life. I had a very interesting journey, which was equally confusing and exhausting. I'd never know what type of day the people around me were having, so I never knew when I needed to be prepared for combat (but you know I stayed ready so I didn't have to get ready). I never wanted to carry on that lineage so I vowed that I would never, ever be a product of my environment. I'm happy to say that I wasn't (and I'm not), but I also have to report that I may have been worse. I decided that the best way to control my emotions was to mask them or bottle them up (bless my young heart).

     The "bottle it up" method never seemed to work in my favor because I would always reach a point of explosion. I was always very angry and had no outlet, which was a recipe for total disaster. At the times that I did try to control myself, I was always provoked so it was essentially a lose-lose for me. Eventually, I removed myself from the toxicity and found myself in even more toxicity (it runs deep, okay?). It was a very exhausting position to be in because I was always seen as having an attitude (okay, sometimes I did have one but most times, I didn't). At which point, I tried to appear nicer, while still concealing my emotions. I only exploded in private but was told several times that I came across as cold-hearted and emotionless.

     I knew things had to change for me so I decided to just let it all hang out. I decided that I had better get in tune with my emotions and feelings so that I could be the best version of me (ha!). I literally went from one extreme to the total opposite extreme. I had emotions and feelings coming from places that I didn't even know emotions and feelings could come from. I could cry at the drop of a hat. My feelings were being hurt by people that I didn't even know or care about (also people that I did know and care about, just times 10). I was making decisions based on how I felt. I would allow people into my life that were no good to me or for me because of feelings. I was a mess, top to bottom, inside and out, through and through. I was so fragile and felt so weak. There was no wondering why my life was not going the way that I wanted it to and why I was not attracting the type of people that I wanted to be around. I was literally allowing my feelings to control my life. I knew what I needed at that point and it was balance. Naturally, God came through for me.

     I made a conscious decision to control me and my emotions. I no longer allowed circumstances or people around me to alter my mood or actions. If I felt that my feelings were hurt, I would pause. In the pause, I'd think about the person's intent (Did this person intentionally try to hurt me?). I'd also think about whether or not what the person said or did was a true reflection of me and who I portrayed myself to be. If after my pause I felt warranted in my hurt, I'd address the situation or let it and the person go completely. There was no more festering about what someone had done or not done to me or for me. I would no longer allow my feelings to dictate who was allowed in and out of my life. I had to logically reason whether or not any person in my life would bring value to me or drain me. I learned that to allow someone to control my emotions and reactions, made me powerless over myself. In order to remain in control, I have to constantly check myself when certain situations arise. I've gained a new sense of normalcy that I always knew possible but wasn't sure how to attain.

Note: If you run up, you will get done up. I'm cool and all, over here controlling my emotions but don't try me.