From lemons you made...

     I'm quite sure that there are many in my family that feel a deep love for my grandmother, but I'd like to say that my love is a little deeper. Since I was young, I've always felt a connection with her that allowed me to be myself, without the fear of judgement. There were times that I dreamt of losing her and would wake up crying profusely because it felt so real. She'd always answer my call and assure me that everything was fine. If there was one person that I'd like to bottle up and save, it'd be Ifay. Knowing that this is not possible, I'll just savor our past memories, make new ones and cherish the lessons.

     There are some in my family that call my grandmother a "seer". They say that she can see things way before they happen, but this could also be stated as having "intuition". There was a point in my teen years that my grandmother got sick, so she had to move out of her home. She'd travel around Texas, and stay with different relatives. She'd always reach a point when she felt like it was time for her to move on, and she'd call whoever it was that she wanted to stay with next. And so, the cycle would continue. It was always very interesting to me that every time she moved, something "major" would take place soon after. It wouldn't be until years later that she would reveal to us that she knew that the incident would take place. I can remember as a kid being put into situations that made me very uncomfortable. I was told that I was not supposed to leave from where I was but I'd always call my grandmother and she'd come and get me. I would most times get in trouble but I felt better knowing that I was with someone familiar. She'd always pick me up and ask me what made me uncomfortable. She'd listen to me and nod her head. It was as if she already knew what I was feeling. She taught me to always trust my intuition, even if I was not always right, at least I was careful.

     She was diagnosed with dementia some time ago, and since that moment, I became even more protective of her. There are many times that I've had to take up for her because she wasn't able to take up for herself. She wasn't like I had known her to be, she was quiet and somewhat timid. She'd always tell me that it was okay, and that those people didn't have to be nice to her. I simply could not understand why she was allowing people to treat her so badly. One day as I was combing her hair, I was trying to be very careful, so as to not pull her hair. She said to me, "Don't worry about trying not to hurt me. I've been hurt so much in my life, nothing can hurt me anymore." I didn't know what to say to her, my heart just sank. I knew that I couldn't change her life so I decided that I would make a change for myself, on her behalf. I vowed to set a standard for everyone in my life, family or not, to love me. Not with a selfish love, but with a genuine love. A love that would not leave me with wounds so deep, that they couldn't heal.

     I spent so much time with my grandmother before leaving Houston, that she came to be one of my best friends. It always warmed my heart when I'd get phone calls saying that she had asked for me specifically. She would talk to me about things that she had probably never told anyone else. She'd often tell me that I was her only friend and that she was so grateful to know me. Other times, she would tell me that I was her favorite daughter. I was so nervous to tell her that I was moving to Chicago because I didn't know how she would take it. She blessed my journey and told me to live my life for me. She validated me, even when I wasn't seeking validation. She's always encouraged me to be myself. She taught me from an early age to be who I am, and that I would be loved as a result.

     My grandmother has taught me many lessons that I shall never forget. I'm hoping to always be as genuine and as honest as she is. Even as she ages, and at times her memory fails her, she has remained true to herself. She's done the best that she could with all that she's been given in this life. She's a woman of resilience and perseverance. I'm so thankful that God has graced her with so many years.

"Grandmother, the alchemist, you've spun gold out of this hard life"- Beyoncé